Chicks

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.

When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.

When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

I am now older and wiser, and am looking for a girl with big tits.

Discomfort

In a train compartment a young couple and an elderly, somewhat ragged man were sitting. The girl looks like she's having some discomfort so her boyfriend asks her,

"What's wrong honey?"

She replies, "My head hurts."

Her boyfriend kisses her forehead, and asks her, "Is it better now?"

"Yes," she says.

Then he asks, "Does it hurt somewhere else?"

"Here," she replies, pointing to her lips. So the boyfriend kisses he lips.

"Is it better now?"

"Much better."

"Anywhere else?"

She replies by pointing to her neck. So the boyfriend kisses her neck.

Annoyed at the pitiful public display, the elderly man asks the young man,

"Excuse me pal, do you do hemorrhoids?"

Dear John

A young girl on a year's training course in South Africa recently received a "Dear John" letter from her boyfriend back home. It read as follows:

Dear Mary,

I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.

Love, John

Mary, with hurt feelings, asked her colleagues for any snapshots they could spare of their boyfriends, brothers, ex-boyfriends, uncles, cousins etc. In addition to the picture of John, Mary included all the other pictures of the pretty lads she had collected from her buddies. There were 57 photos in that envelope along with this note:

Dear John,

I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the f*ck you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.

Take Care, Mary

Rude Bus Driver

On this morning a woman and her baby were taking a bus. As she entered the bus the driver says "Wow that is one ugly baby."

The woman deeply hurt just continued on the bus and found a seat next to an elderly man. The man asks "What's wrong you look mad?"

She replied "I am. That bus driver just insulted me."

"You shouldn't take that from him." the man replied. "He's a public worker and should give you respect. If I was you I would take down his badge number and report him.

"You're right sir I think I will report him."

The elderly man says, "You go on up there and get his badge number. I'll hold your monkey for you."

Anatomy Of Wife

Wife is a living creative. It has two hands and two feet. She uses her hands to throw the household utensils on her husband. Sometimes she hurls iron forks and even heavy things on him .she uses her feet to go on shopping and attending functions. She is often seen at the shopping centers however you can see her in house too when she invites her friends to show them the obedience of her husband. It has two eyes that contain a fluid which she keeps on overflowing from her eyes. These are called tears but in fact these are borrowed from the crocodiles. This fluid works as a catalyst to convince the so called husbands.

It has two ears that are used to hear the backbiting of the neighbors or the close relatives of the husband. This is a creature that has more interest in necklace than her children. She has a heart or emotions that are only for her parents. All the various branches of her heart lead to her parent's home. It has strongest digestive system in this world as it gnaws at the salary of her husband within no time. Its favorite dish is the meal prepared by her husband. Grabbing Salary is the favorite pastime and pretension of fidelity is her favorite snobbery.

She has pair of scissors like piece of flesh that is called the tongue. This scissor keeps on and keeps on and never tired. It cuts to the quick her husband feelings and never felt qualms of conscience. This is the only creature that does not use brain but tongue for thinking purposes too. This creature is more allergic from the family of the husband especially the brothers and sisters of his husband. She feels happy when she is among her friends.

The very presence of her fiancé is the most annoying sight for her eyes. If you want to suffocate her, keep her in the house for some days. It feels like fish out of water in the last days of the month when she can not go out for shopping. It is never tried of back biting and shopping. If you want her see laughing, you would have to wait for the paydays. It laughs and coax and cajole her mate only for one day and that is the payday.

self observation Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Akram_Saqib

New Electric Train

A few days after Christmas, A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new electric train set in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son yell
'All you sons of b*tches who want to get off, get the hell off now, because this is the last stop!
All of you sons of b*tches that are getting on, get your asses in the train cause were leaving'.
The mother went in and told her son, 'we don't use that kind of language in this house.'
Now I want you to go into your room for two hours. When you come out, you can play with your train, but I don't want to hear any bad language.

Two hours later, the son comes out of his room and continues playing with his train.
Soon the train stopped and the mother heard the son say, 'All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your ride was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon. For those of you who are just boarding the train, we ask that you stow all of your hand luggage under the seat, remember there is no smoking except on the club car. We hope you have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today'.

'For those of you who are pissed off with the two hour delay , please see the b*tch in the kitchen.'

Dead Goldfish

Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence.

Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?"

"My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."

The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your stupid cat."